Human emotions, especially those related to love and loss, have been the subject of study and reflection in diverse cultures around the world. The process of forgetting a loved one, particularly in extramarital or clandestine relationships, arouses interest not only from a psychological perspective but also from a cultural perspective, as each society has its own conceptions of love, fidelity, and emotional grief.
The modern Western perspective
In contemporary Western societies, studies on emotional attachment suggest that the process of male detachment from relationships can last between six months and two years. Researchers such as Dr. Thomas Anderson of the University of Toronto have observed that, contrary to popular stereotypes, men often experience deep emotional pain after breaking up with a lover.
“There’s a cultural myth about the supposed ease with which men move on from relationships, but our studies show that many men suffer in silence and for prolonged periods,” Anderson notes in his study “Patterns of Male Grief in Clandestine Relationships.”
Western men tend to process grief in a more internalized way, which can lengthen the time to full emotional recovery.
The Latin American vision: between machismo and vulnerability
In Latin American cultures, where the concept of the “macho” still holds some social relevance, there is an interesting duality. On the one hand, social pressure pushes men to demonstrate rapid emotional recovery; on the other, the tradition of Latin romanticism allows for greater expressiveness in matters of the heart.
A study conducted by the National Autonomous University of Mexico found that Latin American men can take between 8 and 18 months to fully process the grief of a significant extramarital affair, even though they may project social indifference much sooner.
“Latino men experience a conflict between the social expectation of strength and their internal need to process pain,” explains Dr. Carmen Rodríguez, the study’s principal investigator.
The Eastern Perspective: Balance as a Path
In Eastern cultures such as Japan and China, where concepts such as balance and harmony are central, the process of forgetting is understood as a restoration of emotional balance.
Studies conducted at Peking University suggest that men in these cultures tend to employ strategies of meditation and philosophical reflection to process loss. The average time to emotionally get over a lover in these cultures is estimated to be between one and two years, although with a distinctive approach.
“It’s not so much about forgetting, but rather integrating the experience into the narrative of life,” explains Dr. Hiroshi Tanaka, a Japanese cultural psychologist. The concept of “mono no aware” (the beauty of the ephemeral) allows many Japanese men to find meaning in the transience of relationships.
African Cultures: Community as Support
In many traditional African societies, the process of male emotional grieving is intrinsically linked to community structures. Anthropological studies in communities in Ghana and Kenya indicate that men process the end of significant relationships through community rituals and extended family support systems.
“Recovery time can be shorter, around 6 to 10 months, because the pain is shared and processed collectively,” notes Dr. Kwame Nkrumah, a Ghanaian cultural anthropologist.
The influence of religious beliefs
Religious traditions also profoundly shape how men process the end of extramarital relationships:
In Christian traditions
The concept of forgiveness and repentance plays a central role. Studies conducted with practicing Christian men show that the process of forgetting a lover is intertwined with the process of spiritual redemption, which can last between one and three years, depending on factors such as the level of guilt experienced.
In Hindu tradition
The concept of karma and life cycles influence the perception of grief. A study conducted in traditional Hindu communities in India found that men conceptualize the loss of a loved one as part of a karmic cycle, which can facilitate acceptance in approximately 10 to 14 months.
In Muslim communities
The vision of destiny (qadar) and divine will provides a framework for processing loss. Research conducted in Muslim communities in Indonesia and Malaysia suggests recovery times of between 8 and 16 months, with prayer and reconnection with family values playing key roles.
The universal factor: emotional depth
Despite cultural differences, certain factors transcend borders. The depth of emotional connection appears to be a universal determinant of the time required for recovery.
A cross-cultural study conducted in 27 countries by the University of Amsterdam found that, regardless of culture, men who experienced extramarital affairs with deep emotional involvement took approximately twice as long to recover as those whose relationship was predominantly physical.
“Connections that involve deep emotional intimacy, shared histories, and jointly imagined life plans are harder to overcome, regardless of cultural background,” explains Dr. Elise Van Der Meer, director of the study.
Conclusion: Time as universal medicine
While cultural manifestations of male romantic grief vary significantly across societies, there is an emerging consensus among researchers: time remains the most determining factor in the process of emotional healing.
Global research suggests that, regardless of specific cultural practices, the human brain needs to neurochemically process loss, which requires a minimum period of time that is rarely less than six months for meaningful relationships.
As cultural anthropologist Dr. Miguel Sánchez poetically put it: “Cultures teach us different paths to traverse the desert of heartbreak, but all recognize that it is a territory that must be crossed step by step, with no real shortcuts.”
In an increasingly globalized world, where cultural identities intertwine and transform, understanding these different perspectives on male grief allows us to appreciate both the universality of emotional pain and the rich diversity of human strategies for eventually finding peace after the storm of the heart.
